We Tested Out Historical Bras And Surprisingly One Of Them Managed To Pass

One of these is like, the official bra of tree murder.

Look, we all hate our bras, but can you imagine the kind of horrible monstrosities our foremothers had to deal with? For Ladylike, Freddie and I did more than imagine, we wanted to try out some historical bras for ourselves.

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This is Freddie and I. She has smaller boobs, and I have bigger boobs, so we thought we’d try some bras from history together in order to try to ~round out~ the vintage bra experience:

This is Freddie and I. She has smaller boobs, and I have bigger boobs, so we thought we'd try some bras from history together in order to try to ~round out~ the vintage bra experience:

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First, we tried the Strophion, which was a bust support worn in Ancient Greece and Rome, and is essentially just a very long piece of linen toilet paper.

First, we tried the Strophion, which was a bust support worn in Ancient Greece and Rome, and is essentially just a very long piece of linen toilet paper.

Very long. Like, the length of your intestines long.

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Overall, we both felt the bra had the bizarre sensation of making you feel squished, yet unsupported all at once.

Overall, we both felt the bra had the bizarre sensation of making you feel squished, yet unsupported all at once.

It was sort of like tying your wet hair up in a towel after a shower: It'll stay for a second, but don't try to run down the block while wearing it.

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Next, we tried the first actual bra to be patented in the United States of America from 1914, which naturally looks like every top that Britney Spears wore in 1999:

Next, we tried the first actual bra to be patented in the United States of America from 1914, which naturally looks like every top that Britney Spears wore in 1999:

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But we had a split opinion on this bra’s overall usefulness and comfort. Fred was pro this bra, I was… not as pro.

But we had a split opinion on this bra's overall usefulness and comfort. Fred was pro this bra, I was... not as pro.

Fred probably could have worn this for like four days in a row and been perfectly peachy. I, on the other hand, forgot that necklines were probably much higher in 1914, and the lack of support meant that I spent much of the day drowning in boob sweat.

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Last, we tried the class “bullet” or “torpedo” bra (aka, the Madonna cone-shaped bra) from the 1940s.

Last, we tried the class "bullet" or "torpedo" bra (aka, the Madonna cone-shaped bra) from the 1940s.

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Also for both of us, the tips of these bras required more maintenance than we thought they would; they had to be continuously adjusted.

Also for both of us, the tips of these bras required more maintenance than we thought they would; they had to be continuously adjusted.

That's because in order for the tips of these bras to maintain their structural integrity, they had to be stuffed with a lot of toilet paper. There were times when I would lean over and toilet paper would fall out.

Also, how weird is it that in the 1940s, there was a popular bra where the whole gimmick was that the tips of the cups suggested the appearance of nipples. The 1940s!

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Overall, we both agree that bra technology has come a long way, even if it still has a loooooong way to go.

Overall, we both agree that bra technology has come a long way, even if it still has a loooooong way to go.

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We Wore Historical Bras For A Day • Ladylike

Bra technology has come so far.

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